SHOSH

Falling In Love With Friends

One of my best friends is getting married tomorrow. We have been friends since we were teenagers. We've shared mixtapes and gossip, growing pains and teenage angst, exchanged letters and experiences, grown up together, falling in and out of love with boys, with other friends, with the trajectories and oddities of life. 

Right now, my friend Poppy is about 4,858 miles away... in a little village on the southwest coast of England... perhaps she's laying in bed, unable to sleep with excitement (most likely she's snoring and drooling on herself, having downed a couple glasses of merlot, lol). But she is on the brink of a whole new adventure, and I love her and I miss her so much. And why am I not there? Well, that's a funny story. 

Poppy and her fiancee Guy were supposed to get married last September. I had started a new job in August, and my department had an important deadline on September 5th, which made it impossible for me to fly to England and participate in their wedding celebration. I was oh so devastated. Suddenly, the day before the wedding, I heard from a mutual friend that something had gone awry... followed by an email from Poppy:

Hi Nash
You won't believe it. I was rushed into hospital 2 days before the big day with appendicitus and had to have the appendix removed the next day as it was about to burst. Wedding postponed until further notice....
Speak to you soon,
Lots of love,
Pops xxxx

Nope, I couldn't believe it. Shocking. But I have to confess - as concerned and disappointed for them as I was, a small part of me couldn't help but think "YES! This is my chance! I can go now... whenever they end up rescheduling..." Soooo selfish, I know. I even told my boss what had happened, with plenty of advance warning that I fully intended to purchase a round-trip ticket to the UK, sometime in the not-too-distant future. 

Then David and I started planning our own wedding at the beginning of the year. In the back of my mind I kept wondering how I was going to manage to take time off for our wedding and honeymoon, as well as a week to get to England and back, for Poppy and Guy's wedding. The dilemma was solved when Poppy let me know that they were going to tie the knot in two weeks time, just a very small number of friends and family, and then a big party on May 18th. Only three weeks before our wedding. 

Our mutual timing really sucks, I told Poppy. But I know why, and it's okay. It's because we're on the same path. We're living parallel lives in different time zones. It's crazy. We may not be able to be at each other's weddings, or pop over for a cup of tea whenever we feel like it, but we're connected in other ways - from far across the miles. There will always be that thread, though: that sense that she's right there for me, somewhere, in some other longitude and latitude.

Today I emailed Poppy the following quote from Jeanette Winterson (sent to me by another dear friend, so am paying it forward). I think that it's perfect for the occasion. The description also reminds me of the feeling that two best friends share, when we fall into love and friendship with one another. Like it's the two of you against the world. A secret club. A blood pact. I will love Poppy forever, and I know that I will feel her love forever, as well. 

"You don't fall in love like you fall in a hole. You fall like falling through space. It’s like you jump off your own private planet to visit someone else’s planet. And when you get there it all looks different: the flowers, the animals, the colours people wear. It is a big surprise falling in love because you thought you had everything just right on your own planet, and that was true, in a way, but then somebody signalled to you across space and the only way you could visit was to take a giant jump. Away you go, falling into someone else’s orbit and after a while you might decide to pull your two planets together and call it home. And you can bring your dog. Or your cat. Your goldfish, hamster, collection of stones, all your odd socks. (The ones you lost, including the holes, are on the new planet you found.)

And you can bring your friends to visit. And read your favourite stories to each other. And the falling was really the big jump that you had to make to be with someone you don’t want to be without. That’s it.

You have to be brave."

each body a lion of courage

July 10, 1973 - December 20th, 2012

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps his purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering;
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(New and Selected Poems, Volume I)